I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
