At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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