I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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