Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
