I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize