oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
