how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
