ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
