My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
