He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
