____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Holy shit dude........stairs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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