Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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