He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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