can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
