I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
