Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize