So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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