This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
