Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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