it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My ass is underappreciated
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
