well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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