oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
