Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
