I will die if light touches me.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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