i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize