Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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