I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize