So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
