I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
