apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
