i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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