All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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