im holly from the hills drunk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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