I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
