i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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