Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
