so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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