Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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