Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
