Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
