there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
