i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize