Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
