lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
