Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
