Little spoons don't ask big questions
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
