she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
