conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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