I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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