Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
