Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
