Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
plz talk dirty to me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
