it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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