I hate your face
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
