Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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