I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
