Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
