I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
