He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
