i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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