hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
