And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
