singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Four minutes until I can fart!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
