I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
