Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
