At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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