Kiss
Puke
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
