I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
