Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
